… saved by Government Stimulus Packages in $900 Armor /grin.

Hi all, I figured I would use this weeks Tuesday Distraction as a bit of an incite to my personal life. I’ve been wanting to make a bit of a rant about this for a while now, and figured now is as good a time as I’m ever going to get ^.^

At the moment.. I am using my laptop and not my PC. Why? Because my PC is dead.
Why is this such a big deal? Because I’m a computer technician – I fix computers for a living, and yet mine has been dead for months, and it’s not from a lack of trying.

Let me start from the beginning…
Once upon a time, a man and a woman… no, wait.. that’s too far back. Let’s fast forward a little.

[Queue the reminiscent music]
When I was younger, I realised I had a unique ability that only a few people have (most of the people I know that have this ability are related to me). I kill electronics. This, although sounding like an amusing ‘n00b’ comment at first, is actually more detailed than that. Members of my family seem to generate stronger than normal EMF (Electromagnetic Field), which varies on our mood [something that seems to vary a lot in this household.. but anyway]. The main problem this tested-to-be-higher-than-normal EMF presents is a shortened life expectancy of electronics.

My little sister has a problem with clocks. If she places a clock (analog or digital) near her desk or bed, it gets out of sync with the clocks in the rest of the house – sometimes by up to 15min in a few days. I haven’t figured out if there is a correlation between the direction (forward or backwards) to her mood, but this is mainly due to the fact that her mood isn’t exactly a measurable constant if you get my drift >.< This has been tried on about a half dozen clocks so far (both battery & power), and even the clock in her cellphone(s). The only constant seems to be that it is inconsistent.

My Mum has a problem with anything that has a magnet. They cause her to fall over (no kidding). Kinda funny and scary at the same time. Once, a sales woman for all those magnet bracelets and the like had her stand on a foot-massage-magnet-thing, and she almost fainted. Freaked the sales woman right the f*ck out. lol. I could also mention the general lack of operability for anything electrical whenever she is in a foul mood, but I think that’s more of an error between keyboard and mouse, so to speak :p

As for me.. My problem has always been that I kill computers – desktop, laptop, smartphone, you name it. I once killed a new iMate Smart Phone in 4 hours just by putting it in my pocket. Took it out to make a call – blank white screen. Ka-put.. Dead. That was just a week after I killed my Nokia N80 (which died of the same thing – the white screen of ‘$%& off, no one’s home’ lol) I’ve also made a Desktop Computer BSOD just by placing my hand on the keyboard (not pressing any keys) – I then restarted it, watched someone else use it for about half an hour, then told them “watch this”, put my hand on the case, and it BSOD again. Downloads will slow by as much as 20% if I walk too close to the ADSL Router (cabled, not wireless. try figuring that one out), and I’ve gone through more hard drives than I can poke a stick at. I quite literally kill the components after a while.

Why in the world am I a Computer Technician you ask? Because I had to get really good at fixing the damn things in as short a time frame as possible. Fortunately, most new computers have very good EMF Shielding on the case, so it isn’t as big a deal anymore, and the parts don’t seem to suffer any long term side effects unless they’re near me for at least a few weeks.

Unfortunately, my desktop computer (although replaced internally a few times) is using an old spider web aluminium / perspects case which offers about as much protection from EMF as fly screen would from radiation. What does that mean? Well, it means it’s screwed…

Here’s a summary of what’s happened this time around:

• Monitor.. Twice.. I then gave up on CRT’s and upgraded to a 24″ LCD. It seems to like me ^.^
• Replaced the graphics card (twice)
• DVD Burner – old one stopped working after overheating. That was more a 35-dvds-in-1-night issue than anything else..
• Added multple hard drives (gotta store that anime somewhere >.<)
• Replaced multiple hard drives after they all then died
• Redownloaded all the anime.. wait.. that’s not hardware related.
• Replaced all the ram (killed like 3 sticks so far)
• Gone through 2 power supplies (It was on a UPS!)
• Replaced the motherboard
• Replaced the keyboard (no.. not the mage one) after I beat the crap out of the last one when my graphics card died again
• Now on my 3rd mouse (how the hell I killed the first 2, i’ll never know… probably all those Entrecard drops)

Much to my annoyance, after spending 3 months waiting for the second graphics card replacement, it wasn’t 2 weeks before my motherboard crapped out on me.

The motherboard replacement took 2 months because it had to be shipped to taiwan and back (like the graphics card, but the vendor and I were well acquainted by then, so things moved a little faster).. When I finally got it back, rebuilt my system, got it all ready to go… started it, it ran fine for about 10min (well, windows was fragged from a prior game of ‘Ithiel vs The Computer of Doom’), so I went to reinstall…

And my CPU died on me. ./sigh. CPU’s almost never die – especially if you don’t overclock, keep the case clean, walk them twice daily, and use Vet Approved kibbles.. Well, you could probably leave off the last 2, but you get my drift.

Where does this leave me? Well, using my laptop of course. Before you ask, the laptop is at the other end of the table, lid closed, using external Keyboard & Mouse. My headphones are bluetooth. The only time I touch the laptop is to press the power button, slide my finger over the fingerprint reader, reaf my finger back, shout *#$^, the little bastard zapped me again*, swipe again, then close the lid. Idk… maybe I build up a static charge in bare feet on tiles. lol.

The Good News: Australia is broke!No.. not really, but the government thinks that the sky is falling, and that we’re all going to die unless they give every Tax Paying Australian who earnt less than 80k a year a free ‘go spend $900 on useless crap’ voucher. So, courtesy of a Government Stimulus Package and my IT Wholesale Accounts, I’m saved! Tomorrow, when the payments come in, I will be off to buy a new CPU, a tower case made of solid lead or similar such materials, and a ancle static strap for use at the computer. I know a few people in a similar situation to me that have seemed to have some luck when wearing one of them – worth a try methinks. heh.

On the subject of this massive waste of money the Government is throwing away, I found this cool little Q&A:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
High definition TV set or a new computer, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Anywho.. That’s my rant. Kevin Rudd may be a nitwit, but he’s paying for my new CPU, so I’m happy… for now. But if he even thinks of brining back that extra tax on pre-mix drinks after we finally ditched it, there’ll be hell to pay. I’ll let you all know how I go w/ the rebuild. lol

~Ithiel.

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